The words I will post on this blog? My father passed away 19 Feb 2009 at age 80 years and 4 months. The 'official' cause of death......Renal Failure.....Heart Failure......He stopped eating......he never accepted that the same disease he watched his mother suffer through was also robbing and torturing him. ALZHEIMER'S. Each day since, the fear and anger which defined him at his end, haunts my thoughts. But he is always with me as I struggle through my days. He would be no matter what path my life would take. But since his passing, my mother, at 81 years, lives with me. And an old fieldstone house filled with the possessions of 80 years of their lives, 57 years of their marriage, the last years compounded by that heinous disease, ALZHEIMER'S....has become my responsibility. To clean out, organize, maintain and finally, assist my mother to sell. As I've struggled with all that entails, my father is right beside me. Sometimes saying 'I can fix that'. At times chuckling with an 'AH-HA, you should have listened when I talked about how it worked'. Sometimes a 'HEY, don't throw that out, we may need it'. Frequently a 'No No, not that way, forget it~I'll do it myself '.

Over the din of him talking I routinely hear myself saying HM, BET I CAN FIX THAT. Words that no doubt he is whispering in my ear as I'm faced, once again, with another problem, something broken, or facing a task he always insisted on doing HIMSELF. For my father, for all he was and accomplished and all that was stolen from him in his last years......HM, Bet I Can Fix THAT!





Showing posts with label Acceptance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Acceptance. Show all posts

Thursday, July 7, 2011

OK, Time to Pull Some Loose Ends

Now I'm a multi~tasker by nature but I'm at a loss at what to go back to? little joke, very little joke. So although the summer is 2/3 of the way over, I'll go back to the pool filter first.
43 years and my Dad kept it on life support most of the last 15 years. I CPR'd it, badly, the last 2 summers and then the 'dyke broke'....did say I ordered a new one? It was really a very difficult thing to face. On a practical level another expense which won't assist to sell the property. Pools are not BIG lures. But when you have a 43 year old swimming hole, which would cost a fortune to build in this day and age....inground cement bottom and steel sided pool, you have 2 choices. The first is to drain it. The cost of 'filling' the hole is excessive. And a big empty cement hole=major safety hazard and would always be filled with debris blown from the fields. Constant upkeep housekeeping wise, a lose/lose. Thus the big 'showing point' would be a chipped paint cement and sides with growing crap blown in? Raise your hands....who thinks we should vote for that?
Or we could do what I've been doing for 3 years, cover it properly in the winter and open and maintain it during the summer.
Now as I mentioned...a pool isn't a big draw for a buyer. And most normally will either not use it or fill it. Or they can have a trash hole in their backyards, not my problem. BUT, when its on the market it is far more attractive to have a well maintained pool than the hole. So back to my dilemma. I would be having a new filter installed. Difficult as in $$$ and effort but practical. But on a personal level it meant I'd failed. I left my Dad down. I know if he had lived and been 'up' to the work he no doubt would have found a way to keep it working. I couldn't, I failed. And now I was replacing his filter. Watching that filter being disassembled, cut up and taken away was bound to be painful. I failed. 
I went up to the house the morning of the installation feeling very bad although at that moment I hadn't identified why I felt so badly. 
The van from the pool company pulled into the dirt road next to the house obviously unsure as to where to park. The driveway wasn't an option as the filter had to be unloaded and the old filter pieces loaded. So I walked over to the van to discuss their options. The young man in the passenger seat-a grizzly adams sort-pulled off his sunglasses and said "Do you know who I am?" I didn't. So he said "its Lemar." 
And I felt a relief I hadn't expected. The young man is my 1st cousin/once removed, the son of my father's only brother's son.  
Lemar Graybill/Carl Walter Van Hyning
My uncle's only son is my cousin Lemar Graybill Van Hyning II. The young man in the van is Lemar Graybill Van Hyning III.
Susan Elizabeth Van Hyning/Lemar Graybill Van Hyning III
Now I knew I would be able to watch the old filter leave. I realize many may be skeptical about woo-woo paranormal issues. I don't make decisions on woo-woo. But I've had enough happen to me in that area to decide I have no clue why/how strange things occur, I just know they do. And somehow I just knew this was a message sent from 'over there'. My Dad was telling me it was alright, I wasn't a failure. I did my best and the new filter was fine. Why was my cousin there? I can believe he was 'sent' by my Dad. I can believe its part of some big cosmic 12 act play. I can believe it was dumb luck. Doesn't matter, over the next hour plus Lemar and his supervisor/co-worker did their job. The supervisor just seemed to understand the situation and encouraged my cousin to do the work to disassemble the old filter.
So first they cut it apart.
Then bit by bit they shoveled the sand out into buckets. We dumped the sand in the field.
The new filter was installed and the old and tired filter went into the van. It was done. Before they left all was up and running. And somehow the dread went with it. Yes, I failed to fix it but I knew it was alright, I'd done my best.
Thanks Lemar, thanks Daddy, thanks 'whatever'.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Back to the Pool Wars...Year 3
 I'm still at Pool Wars Year 3? Here is what I was dealing with when I opened the pool for the 3rd year. At the end of year 2, I covered the pool by myself and I ONLY drained the water til just below the hatch. I had used 11 2-Compartment bags and 4 bags with one side usable. Over the winter I did have to put a few cinder blocks and one pail full of old pool sand as high winds caused the cover to move about. All alone I uncovered which takes me back to the pool cover vs lawn issue.
A few weeks later....

First item to report, that perfectly rectangular crop circle, OK fine-where I killed the lawn by leaving lay the pool cover that could cover Asia? Guess I moved fast enough....
Another week passed and.....

In my head I'm able to say, "See Dad, it grew back I didn't kill it....(yet:)".
Now it was time to put the additional water into the pool and turn on the filter.....So 'TIMEX', the filter which for years which took the lickings and kept on ticking, or in this case 'filtering'.

The beginning of the end. The only issue I 'thought' I had prior to turning the on/off switch was located at 1. A little tube which last year had developed a lovely spout about 5" up and out. Year 2., naturally I EPOXIED the hole and it resolved the issue  for the summer, although it still dripped. The tubing was yellow and dried out thus the pinhole spout. So I had removed it when I closed the pool and simply purchased a new length of tube. So that was my first repair. Installing the new tubing the old yellow pieces it attached to with washers into holes in the PVC all held by clamps, well~try to visualize the domino effect. One of the yellow pieces broke where the tube slipped on. Then the other yellow tube split at the end attached to the washer. Now the tube no longer was dual end usable. I could put one end of the tube over the yellow piece which still had the 'slip on', but I couldn't wedge the tube over the larger piece  the 'slip on' had broken off of. So back to Lowe's I went and got a larger tube. Getting the tube fitted on both yellow pieces, clamps slipped on and the pieces and washer back into the PVC I tightened it all down. Then with one of the many rolls of plumbers tape I found along the way I taped where the gaps were.

Water up, turned the switch on. Was going to need liquid nail as around the fittings on 1. as leak was still too big. Squirt-moosh moosh~drying. NEXT! The big issue was 2. & 3. Now 2. I had epoxied last year on the advice of pool guy and although it still dripped it was minimal. But this year......2. was a steady stream, the 3.? 

On 3, the PVC which WAS at the arrow, cracked apart due to age. But there seemed to be no leaks despite that so.....

So I gathered 'help'. Along with duct tape and liquid nail was the bedrock of all supplies, epoxy. And I began. First I applied epoxy all around 2. where it leaked, but the gap and depth of the area was just too vast. So finding an 'old' chalking gun with 'old' caulk I levered it into the entire round of the PVC. I let it harden, a little bit, and turned the pump on. It held, for about 20 seconds and then began dripping from multiple areas around the fitting. Turned it off and packed more chalking in and let it dry. Before I left for the day I epoxied OVER the caulk. 24 hrs later again hit the ON button and it lasted about 40 seconds then drips. ARRGGHH! I can figure this out, DUCT TAPE. So I wrapped a few rounds of tape over the gap around the epoxy, caulk, epoxy. Then I epoxied over the duct tape.

 Ah HA. 24 hours later and ON. It lasted another 40 seconds and then slowly leaks appeared from the corners and edges of the duct tape and around the epoxy. THAT'S IT~NOW I'M PISSED.
So I put the ENTIRE ROLL OF DUCT TAPE AROUND IT. And in my best INTERNAL and EXTERNAL petulant child mode, I yelled~~LEAK NOW FILTER!!! I turned on the pump and went from child to master of sailor speak as both 2. and 3. did this....
 I stood there with water spritzing everywhere. 3. is evident in the photo, 2 meanwhile was sending out tiny jet streams which exponentially grew by the second.I briefly considered epoxing the ENTIRE DUCT TAPE, wait 24 hrs..........., forgot that. For a moment I considered walking the 10 feet over the the little house, stepping inside and going to the corner. Where I would pick up the sledge hammer, slowly return to the filter....AND BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF IT! The reality was, the filter had given far more years of service than it was designed to do. If my father was still alive I've no doubt he might eek out another year or two. But my father had worn out and I had to allow him to go. So the least I could do for this filter he nursed for the last 22 years of its life was allow it to go also. I walked in the house and picked up my cell phone and ordered its replacement and set up an appointment for installation.